Preparing Your Kids for Back to School 2020

 

Every year for the past forty-two years, back to school has been a significant time in my life, either as a student, as the husband of a teacher, as a parent of children returning to school, or, in the last year as the father and father-in-law of new teachers.  Back to school has always been a time of mixed emotions for me.  There was the excitement of starting a new year: the expectation of wearing those new tennis shoes that you were sure were going to make you run faster, the anticipation of wearing your cool new clothes, the joy of getting back together with your friends, the excitement of your awesome new school supplies.  There was also some sadness because of the end of another summer and saying good-bye to all the fun and freedom that comes with that.  And there was some measure of fear and anxiety associated with whether you were going to get a good teacher, how hard your workload was going to be, and whether you were going to have any of your friends in your class.

This year, many of those same emotions are still going to be in place as our kids return to school.  However, in many other ways Back to School 2020 will be significantly different than any return to school in at least the last 100 years.  Distant learning, hybrid learning, mask orders, social distancing, modified seating/recess/lunchtime/hallway behavior, sanitation and disinfecting procedures, temperature scans, COVID screenings, and suspended extra-curriculars are just a few of the significant changes our children will be experiencing this new school year.  As a result, they will likely experience a new range of emotions as they head back to school: things like significant fear and anxiety, anger, stress, confusion, irritation, depression, and feeling overwhelmed.

This year, like any other, there are certain things we need to do to help our kids be prepared for school: having their school supplies: establishing bedtime, wake-up, and get ready routines; making sure they have lunches packed or lunch payment ready, etc.  This year, unlike any other, there are new things we will need to do to help our kids prepare for school: making sure they have masks, teaching them to social distance, making sure they understand good hygiene.  While those external safety precautions are important for our kids, I believe there are some things we can do to support their emotional well-being that are even more important.

First, reassure them that they are loved.  Whatever decisions you make about school, make sure they know that you love them and that every decision you are making for them is because you love them.  Maybe this year, take the time to tell them you love them more often.  Give them more hugs.  Send notes of encouragement in their backpacks or lunches.  Text them (when not in class) messages of  support. 

Also, make sure they know that their teachers love them.  This year, more than any other ever, will be the most significant outpouring of sacrificial love by teachers for their students.  They will be working extra hours, buying additional supplies out of their own pockets, observing new procedures and protocols, taking on added responsibilities, comforting and assuring children, finding new ways to educate, all while putting at risk their own health and safety.  And they will be doing it all because they love their students.  Be sure your kids know that.  

The Bible says, "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear." (1 John 4:18, ESV) Making sure your children know they are loved will be one of the best antidotes to the fear, anxiety, and other emotions they will be experiencing this year.  Most importantly, make sure they know that God loves them.  Teach them that God cares about what they are going through and that they can talk to him anytime that they are feeling afraid or overwhelmed.

Second, encourage them that we've got this.  It would be really easy this year to focus on how hard all of this is.  Mask requirements are too restrictive.  The school is not doing a good job with their policies or keeping us informed.  Our children are being placed in danger by going to school or our family's well-being is placed in jeopardy because the kids are not in school.  Our children are struggling with grasping concepts because the educational environment has been significantly altered.  Important traditions and hopes and expectations we had for our seniors may once again be impacted.  

It will definitely be a hard school year and there will be plenty to complain about.  But if we focus on those things, we will increase our children's fear and anxiety about this school year.  We don't need to sugarcoat things.  We need to be honest with our kids that this is tough. But we also need to continually reassure them that we've got this and that we are all working together to get through it.  Support them.  Listen to them.  Challenge them.  Carve out time when they get home each day to hear about their day.  Have dinner together at least four nights a week.  Help them with their homework.  Laugh together.

Again, the Bible offers wise counsel for times like this: "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear."  (Ephesians 4:29, ESV)  If we could apply those words to everything we say to our kids or in their presence this year, it will help them be much more successful this year.  Ask yourself if the things you are saying are building up your child, if they are the appropriate thing to say to help with the occasion, and if they are a demonstration of grace to everyone who hears.

Third, teach them that God is in control.  There will likely be a lot of things this year that seem beyond our control or completely out of control.  There will be questions that we don't know the answer to and circumstances that we are unsure how they will turn out.  Friends, family members, or teachers may contract the coronavirus.  School may shut back down.  Policies and procedures may change throughout the year. 

When life seems out of control, you and your children need to know there is someone who is in control.  When the storms rage in life, you need an anchor that will hold fast.  When it seems like life is falling to pieces, you need someone who can put them all together.  The only place you will find that kind of peace is in knowing that God is in control.  Ephesians 1:11 says that "God works all things according to the counsel of his will."  No matter how chaotic or out of control this world may seem, the best assurance for us and our children is in knowing that God is in control, that he is working all of this according to his plan, and that our lives are in his hands.

 

Speak Less, Listen More

God laid this post on my heart several weeks ago, but I've been holding off on writing it, mainly because I've been trying to apply the message of this post to myself.  I've been reading books, websites, and blog posts by Christian leaders on some of the hot button issues in our society; listening to friends and their opinions on the dominant cultural matters; reading posts from my friends who come from a broad spectrum of racial, cultural, political, economic, educational, religious, and geographic (both U.S. and global) backgrounds on all issues; listening to varied media outlets and a whole bunch of videos shared with me about COVID-19.  I wanted to make sure I was listening before I added anything to the conversation.

Having said that, this post is not about my opinions on race, politics, or COVID-19.  I have convictions on all of those things that range from strongly held to highly uncertain, all of which are seasoned with a huge amount of humility and grace.  I am by no means an expert in those fields, and my general approach is what Paul outlines in Romans 13 and 14: to submit to every governing authority as an instrument of God (unless submitting to that authority means being disobedient to God), to fulfill God's law by loving other people, not to quarrel or pass judgment over matters of opinion, and not to cause another believer to stumble by my actions with regard to matters of conscience over which we may disagree. 

So, this post is not about presenting my perspective on those various issues.  What concerns me is the way in which I see believers interacting with these various issues and, more specifically, putting their opinions out there for all to see.  Now, don't get me wrong, I definitely believe that as believers we need to seek to understand how our faith and the gospel interact with and direct every area of our lives.  I believe we need to do the hard work of digging into the word of God, appropriately interpreting it in its grammatical-historical context, understanding the timeless principles found in Scripture, and applying those principles in our modern context.  I do believe that the gospel has a lot to say about race, power, justice, poverty, the sanctity of life, gender and sexuality, and freedom of speech.  I believe that a biblical perspective on the kingdom of God and our citizenship in heaven has many implications for how we interact with government, politics, and our role as citizens of earthly kingdoms.  I think that a biblical worldview should affect how we view matters of individual freedom, submission to governing authorities, and religious liberty.  We should think through these issues biblically and prayerfully while seeking the direction of the Holy Spirit; and then we should enter into dialogue with our culture about these issues.

The problem that concerns me in so many of these issues currently is that many Christians are not entering into dialogue.  They are giving a diatribe.  They are hastily posting on social media their opinions and reactions to these polarizing, hot-button issues without taking the time to hear from other people or to consider how those posts may impact their unbelieving friends' understanding of and receptivity to the gospel.  

Earlier this week I saw someone use the analogy that your posts on your personal social media page are like the decorations in your home.  You put on the walls things that are an expression of yourself and your personal tastes, and if someone else doesn't like it, they don't get to come into your home and express their dislike.  I think that is a poor analogy.  Ten years ago, as social media was just beginning to take off, I wrote an article on developing "An Ethic of Social Media."    I said that posting on social media is like speaking into a megaphone in a large crowded room.  Even if your profile is set to private, anyone who is in the room with you has the freedom to leave the room and repeat what you said.  Thus, the many biblical instructions related to speech and the use of the tongue should govern the things we post about on social media.

In our current environment, God keeps calling to my mind one particular Scripture.  James gives this instruction: "My dear brothers and sisters, understand this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger; for human anger does not accomplish God's righteousness." (James 1:19-20 ESV)  It seems that in 2020 we have inverted God's instruction.  We are quickly angered and offended by things that are happening in the world, that our government is doing, that people of a different life experience are saying, that our "opponents" are saying.  And, we are quick to post our criticisms, complaints, defenses, anger and rebuttals to those things.  

What we desperately need right now is James's simple instruction to speak less and listen more.  On race, we need to listen to what our African-American brothers and sisters (Christian brothers and sisters, not simply an organization or movement) are saying about their experiences with injustice, racism, poverty, crime, and disadvantage.  We need to listen to what business owners, police officers, and community leaders are saying.  We need to listen to historians and political analysts from a variety of backgrounds.  On the pandemic, we need to listen to scientists, epidemiologists, infectious disease experts, and governing authorities, as well as mental health experts, economists, and the critics and counter-points to those.  On politics, I think we most need to listen to each other, our neighbors, our co-workers, our friends and family members.  We need to speak less and listen more.  I don't think we have the right to post our opinions on these matters until we have genuinely listened to other people.  And even after we have listened, maybe we need to hold off on hitting "publish" on our thoughts on these issues.

My concern is that as believers, when we post our personal opinions on these matters before we have actually listened to others, we do damage to our ability to share the gospel with people who have differing perspectives from us.  I do believe there are times when we must stand up and speak out on issues that God speaks clearly about, but we must always consider how that impacts the ultimate message that we want people to hear, the gospel.  Several years ago, I had a church member who was running for a local office in a highly charged election.  People in our community had strong opinions about the election.  One day, he came by my house and wanted to put a campaign sign in my yard.  I told him, "I love you, but I can't put that sign in my yard.  I have one message that I need people to trust me for, and it is not who to vote for."  Since that time, I have a personal policy that I will never put a political sign in my yard, because I don't ever want any other message that I communicate to get in the way of my ability to share the gospel with people.

That is the one area where we need to speak more.  One of the things that has grieved me most in 2020 is seeing professing Christians post more about COVID-19, race issues, or politics than I have ever seen them post about Jesus.  If we are going to speak up, let's make sure that before we speak up about anything else, we speak up about the gospel.  Let's share our stories.  Let's share with others that we have a good God who made us and everything else in all the universe to point to him, but that we now live in a broken and hurting world because we have all rebelled against God and have chosen to live our lives our ways.  Let's tell people that there is a consequence for our rebellion against God and that consequence is death, physical, emotional and spiritual death.  And then, please, let's share with people the good news that Jesus Christ, the Son of God, came to earth, became a man, lived a perfect life, and died on the cross to pay the price for our sin, then rose from the grave to overcome our sin and its consequences so that everyone who believes in him might have forgiveness of sin, adoption into God's family, and eternal life!  Let's speak up about that!

Social Distancing and Drawing Near

Where I live in North Texas, we are a little over three weeks in on enhanced COVID19 precautions like social distancing and sheltering in place.  In just a few weeks time, we have had to radically alter our lives, our jobs, our shopping, our hobbies and pastimes, and our interactions with other people.  As an extrovert who thrives on actual personal interactions with other people and a pastor who loves keeping up with what is happening in the lives of my people, these types of restrictions are a serious bummer!

While I definitely feel it is important for us to observe all of the precautions health organizations are advising us, I think it is also important to remind ourselves that social distancing does not prevent us from "drawing near."  The Bible advises us that if we will draw near to God, he will draw near to us (James 4:8) and that we should not neglect meeting together with other believers so we can encourage each other during difficult times (Hebrews 10:25).

So, I just want to offer a few quick reminders about what social distancing does not mean:

• Not Relational Distancing - Social distancing does not mean relational distancing.  During this season, it is important for you to maintain relational connectedness with people around you.  Even if you cannot have physical interactions with people, it is important that we go the extra mile to invest in our relationships with other people.  Make more phone calls.  Send more emails.  Like and comment more on social media posts.  Talk to your neighbors more as you see them across the street or walking around your neighborhood.  Check in more frequently on friends and family members who are at risk or who may just need more help with navigating life right now.
• Not Emotional Distancing - Now is not the time to withdraw into yourself.  We all wrestle with emotional health issues from time to time.  Right now is a scary time.  There are plenty of anxiety producing things on the news.  Maybe you are feeling grief over the loss of milestone moments in your life or the life of someone you love.  Not being able to get out and do some fun activities may be producing stress in your life.  Perhaps you were not prepared for having kids at home around the clock and having to be a homeschooler.  Your job or financial situation may be putting added stress on you.  There are plenty of things going on right now that can put you in emotional distress.  So, make sure you let others know how you are feeling.  My assistant posted this on FB last week, and I think it is a great way to check in on your friends right now: 

Tamara Baldwin Nalls

April 2 at 6:55 PM · 

Just wanted to check up on everyone.
—————————————————————
MENTAL HEALTH CHECK-IN: I’m 💚💙💛💜🧡❤️🖤today.

💚 I’m doing great
💙 I am okay
💛 I’m okay-ish
💜 Things are tough
🧡 I’m struggling
❤ I’m having a hard time and wouldn’t mind if someone reached out to me
🖤 I’m in a bad place right now

Drop your heart color and let me know how you are doing! You can message if you're not comfortable posting.

This is a repost. Feel free to do it too & find out if anybody in your circle actually needs help badly.

Let’s keep checking in on our family and friends. We’re all in this together! Keep safe!

• Not Spiritual Distancing. Finally, social distancing does not mean spiritual distancing.  You don't have to keep God at a distance right now.  In fact, now is a great time to draw near to God.  Invest in your spiritual life.  Attend an online church service.  Start a Bible reading plan.  Take an online Bible course or Bible study.  Spend more time in prayer.  

So, while we are practicing social distancing, let's make to draw near in three arenas, outward (relationships), inward (emotions), and upward (spiritual life).

What Kind of People Ought We to Be? - Relating to Each Other in Crisis

I get it. We are living through a time of crisis unlike any of us have ever experienced in our lifetimes. In just a couple of weeks' time, COVID-19 has totally transformed our world. Who would have thought just a month ago that you would not be able to get toilet paper at the local store?  Schools are shutting down.  Sports leagues are suspending their seasons and championship tournaments so that there are NO SPORTS to watch.  Restaurants are only offering carry out service.  Movie theaters are closing their doors.  The stock market is plunging.  I mean, we're just a couple of weeks away from Road Warrior.

So, it makes sense that we are all a bit on edge right now.  The newsfeed each day seems to be getting worse and worse.  We are experiencing significant disruptions in our schedules, lifestyles, hobbies, routines, jobs, education, and healthcare. As a result, people are anxious and afraid because the world is in a time of chaos and there seems to be little we can do to control the chaos.  When we feel anxious, afraid, and out of control, we often respond to other people with anger, rudeness, and selfishness.  From what people that know are telling us, we are likely just at the beginning of this crisis.  So, if we are going to make it through this time, how should we relate to each other?  What kind of people ought we to be?

Nearly two thousand years ago, the Apostle Peter asked that very question.  He was contemplating the fact that there is coming a day when this world as we know it will come to an end.  Look at what he says: But the day of the Lord will come like a thief. The heavens will disappear with a roar; the elements will be destroyed by fire, and the earth and everything done in it will be laid bare. (2 Peter 3:10)  Peter says there is coming a day when the ultimate disintegration of life here on earth as we know it is going to happen.  There is coming a day when the end of the world as we know it (to quote REM) is going to take place.

Now, I don't know if our present crisis is an indication that we are approaching that time or not.  It certainly wouldn't surprise me.  The point, however, is that any time of crisis ought to remind us that this reality and this world as we know it are not eternal.  Plagues, financial crises, natural disasters, wars and rumors of wars are all functions of the fact that this world has a life expectancy, and it will one day end.

So, in consideration of that fact, Peter asks this question: Since everything will be destroyed in this way, what kind of people ought you to be? (2 Peter 3:11a)  Since this world is one day going to be no more, since Jesus is coming back again, and since he will judge all of us on the basis of whether we have trusted in him and allowed him to transform our lives, what kind of people ought you to be?  Peter's answer: You ought to live holy and godly lives as you look forward to the day of God and speed its coming. (2 Peter 3:11b-12).

Peter's question is a great question for us to ask ourselves in the current Coronavirus crisis.  What kind of people ought we to be?  How should we respond to the challenges that we are currently facing, and especially how should we relate to each other as we navigate this crisis?  Peter says we ought to live holy and godly lives.  What does that mean?  Well, holy and godly are not character qualities that we can generate in ourselves.  The only way for any of us to be holy and godly is through giving our lives to Jesus Christ.  He is the only person who ever lived a holy and godly life.  So, the only way for you and I to be found holy and godly is through trusting in Jesus' sinless life, his death on the cross as a payment for our sins, and his resurrection from the dead to overcome the power and penalty of our sins. (If you've never done that, please contact me.  I would love to tell you more about how you can become a child of God through faith in Jesus Christ.)

Then, once Jesus changes you, you are free to live out the life that he has placed inside of you, a holy and godly life.  That's why Peter closes out by saying, Grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. (2 Peter 3:18)  In our present crisis, I would like to recommend three ways that we could all grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ:

1. Extend grace to each other.  This is uncharted territory for all of us.  Your local store managers were not prepared for massive runs on basic supplies.  Your child's teacher had no warning that he or she was going to have to try to figure out how to educate your child using distance learning and online education.  The families in your neighborhood were not prepared for having their kids at home and everyone being on some level of lockdown for weeks on end.  Your pastors and churches have little to no experience with living as the church in this environment.  As a result, we're probably all going to make some mistakes.  Things are not going to go as planned.  We're not going to get it right and we probably will sometimes get it downright wrong. So, let's all extend some grace to each other.  Let's forgive.  Let's offer kindness and compassion.  Let's take care of each other.
2. Be patient with each other.  Because this is uncharted territory for all of us, we are all figuring this out as we go.  Teachers and store managers and bosses and doctors and pharmacists and government officials and public servants and pastors and families are all navigating a new reality.  And it's going to take some time for us to figure out some of this.  So be patient.  Don't get angry.  Don't yell.  Be slow to criticize or complain.  
3. Be humble.  In our present environment, being humble for me generally means, "Don't be a jerk."  Don't act like you know it all or have it all figured out.  Don't be the person who refuses to listen to the wisdom and instructions of people who know more about the situation than you do.  Don't make snap judgments based on your opinions or some theory you read on the internet.  Don't disregard the information and instructions we are being told by epidemiologists, virologists, and government authorities.  Be humble enough to submit to their leadership and authority.  And most importantly, humble yourself before God.  Take some time to pray.  Ask him to forgive us for disregarding him, and ask him to bring an end to this virus. Recognize that he is ultimately the one who is in control, and submit yourself to him.

[We would love for you to join us for worship this Sunday with The Crossroads Community Church online at The3C.online.church.]

4 Ways to Keep Developing Your Kids while on Lockdown

With the ongoing spread of COVID-19 and the implementation of protocols to help "flatten the curve," many families may find themselves with a lot more together time with no real plan for what to do.  If your children's school determines to temporarily suspend on-campus instruction for an extended period of time, you may be wondering what you can do to help occupy all that extra time on their hands.  In addition to just keeping them busy, effective parenting means helping them to grow and develop.  

If you, like the Kemp household, are not ordinarily a home-schooler with a good handle on how to do that already, here are four things we are implementing to keep everyone happy and progressing while we are on lockdown.

We always feel like it is a good idea to look to Jesus as our model for life; so, let's do that with this situation.  There's really only one verse in the Bible that tells us about Jesus' key developmental years after age 12.  Luke 2:52 says, And Jesus increased in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and man (ESV).  Luke says there were four areas that Jesus grew in from the time he was 12 years old until he was an adult: wisdom, stature, favor with God, and favor with people.  Those four areas form the basis for our strategy for developing our children during the lockdown and daily activities to facilitate that development.

Wisdom - Luke says that Jesus grew in wisdom.  There are a lot of things that go into being a wise person, but for our purposes, we have chosen two things to help our children grow in the area of wisdom.  One, each day they must do some educational activity.  They can read a book, work on math facts, study spelling, learn about another country or culture in the world, or simply keep up with work that their teachers will likely soon start sending out to them.  There are also a lot of museums, zoos, and musical groups that are currently offering free online experiences that your kids might enjoy.  Two, each day they must do some creative activity.  Play a board game. Put together a puzzle. Learn to sew. Bake some goodies to share with the rest of the family or a shut-in neighbor. Do an art project.  Practice their instrument.  Sing a song.  Have a campout in the living room, complete with a tent, s'mores, and some scary stories.  Today, my girls are doing an in-home beauty day, fixing each other's hair, doing makeovers, and practicing new make-up techniques.

Stature - In other words, Jesus grew physically.  So, each day, make sure your children are doing some physical activity.  Have them walk/jog around the block, throw a ball in the backyard, play outside in the rain, get on the treadmill, play some "indoor volleyball" with a balloon, do some simple calisthenics, pretty much anything that works up a sweat.  If you are okay with the kids jumping on the furniture, one of my kids' favorite games when they were young that got them up and moving was "the floor is lava."  If they are doing something that actually gets their heart rate up, 30 minutes should suffice.  If the activity is a little more laid back, push it to an hour.  We also don't want this time to become a time of developing some bad habits, so we are having a scheduled time for everyone to be up, cleaned, dressed, and at the table ready for breakfast.

You also want to do your best to make sure they are eating healthy foods while they are stuck at the house.  While options at the grocery store may be more limited currently, the produce section at our local markets appear to be abundantly stocked right now.  In running to the store for toilet paper, milk, bread, and eggs, make sure you also pick up some apples, oranges, asparagus, or broccoli.  

Favor with God - The current coronavirus crisis is actually a very important time for your children to grow in their relationship with God.  Right now, there is a lot of fear spreading throughout the world, and children definitely pick up on the fear they sense in us and others.  The antidote to fear is faith, so make sure you are not neglecting this area of your child's development.  We are requiring our kids to do one spiritual activity each day.  Teach your kids how to have a daily time of Bible reading and prayer (a quiet time).  Give them a memory verse to work on.  This week, our church is memorizing 2 Timothy 1:7: For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.  Once they have memorized a verse, have them spend time meditating on it, which is simply extended time thinking about the verse, what it means, and how it applies to their lives.  Turn on some worship music to listen to as they are stuck at home.  

Favor with man - The last area of Jesus growth was in the area of relationships with other people.  Jesus said that our love for one another is the evidence that we really are his disciples.  So, each day, we want our kids to do one others-focused activity.  In the practical world of our household, that is going to mean doing some chore to help out around the house.  That can be cleaning a room.  One of the great ideas my wife came up with years ago was to create a notecard for each room of the house listing out each of the things that need to be done in that room for that room to be considered "Mom approved." Whatever way you work it out, more people at home for long periods of time is going to mean there are more chores to be done.  So, develop a system where everyone can pitch in.

Others-focused activities can also include people outside your household.  We want to maintain safe protocols as far as social distancing, but we don't need to just become hermits with no concern for others.  Have your kids check on their friends and their friends family members to make sure they are doing okay.  If they discover someone has a need that your family can help with, by all means do so.  One of our local nursing homes has requested people to write letters and cards to their residents who are no longer able to receive visitors.  This would be a great project for your kids to tackle.  Also, make sure you check on elderly neighbors and family members and those who are at risk.  Your family could make grocery runs, help with yard work, walk a dog, etc.

Finally, parents, the best way for you to instill these four habits in your kids is for you to model them.  Make sure you are developing in wisdom, stature, and favor with God and people as you are encouraging the same things in your kids.  If we do so, we will come through the lockdown, not just surviving, but growing and improving and healthier.