Every year for the past forty-two years, back to school has been a significant time in my life, either as a student, as the husband of a teacher, as a parent of children returning to school, or, in the last year as the father and father-in-law of new teachers. Back to school has always been a time of mixed emotions for me. There was the excitement of starting a new year: the expectation of wearing those new tennis shoes that you were sure were going to make you run faster, the anticipation of wearing your cool new clothes, the joy of getting back together with your friends, the excitement of your awesome new school supplies. There was also some sadness because of the end of another summer and saying good-bye to all the fun and freedom that comes with that. And there was some measure of fear and anxiety associated with whether you were going to get a good teacher, how hard your workload was going to be, and whether you were going to have any of your friends in your class.
This year, many of those same emotions are still going to be in place as our kids return to school. However, in many other ways Back to School 2020 will be significantly different than any return to school in at least the last 100 years. Distant learning, hybrid learning, mask orders, social distancing, modified seating/recess/lunchtime/hallway behavior, sanitation and disinfecting procedures, temperature scans, COVID screenings, and suspended extra-curriculars are just a few of the significant changes our children will be experiencing this new school year. As a result, they will likely experience a new range of emotions as they head back to school: things like significant fear and anxiety, anger, stress, confusion, irritation, depression, and feeling overwhelmed.
This year, like any other, there are certain things we need to do to help our kids be prepared for school: having their school supplies: establishing bedtime, wake-up, and get ready routines; making sure they have lunches packed or lunch payment ready, etc. This year, unlike any other, there are new things we will need to do to help our kids prepare for school: making sure they have masks, teaching them to social distance, making sure they understand good hygiene. While those external safety precautions are important for our kids, I believe there are some things we can do to support their emotional well-being that are even more important.
First, reassure them that they are loved. Whatever decisions you make about school, make sure they know that you love them and that every decision you are making for them is because you love them. Maybe this year, take the time to tell them you love them more often. Give them more hugs. Send notes of encouragement in their backpacks or lunches. Text them (when not in class) messages of support.
Also, make sure they know that their teachers love them. This year, more than any other ever, will be the most significant outpouring of sacrificial love by teachers for their students. They will be working extra hours, buying additional supplies out of their own pockets, observing new procedures and protocols, taking on added responsibilities, comforting and assuring children, finding new ways to educate, all while putting at risk their own health and safety. And they will be doing it all because they love their students. Be sure your kids know that.
The Bible says, "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear." (1 John 4:18, ESV) Making sure your children know they are loved will be one of the best antidotes to the fear, anxiety, and other emotions they will be experiencing this year. Most importantly, make sure they know that God loves them. Teach them that God cares about what they are going through and that they can talk to him anytime that they are feeling afraid or overwhelmed.
Second, encourage them that we've got this. It would be really easy this year to focus on how hard all of this is. Mask requirements are too restrictive. The school is not doing a good job with their policies or keeping us informed. Our children are being placed in danger by going to school or our family's well-being is placed in jeopardy because the kids are not in school. Our children are struggling with grasping concepts because the educational environment has been significantly altered. Important traditions and hopes and expectations we had for our seniors may once again be impacted.
It will definitely be a hard school year and there will be plenty to complain about. But if we focus on those things, we will increase our children's fear and anxiety about this school year. We don't need to sugarcoat things. We need to be honest with our kids that this is tough. But we also need to continually reassure them that we've got this and that we are all working together to get through it. Support them. Listen to them. Challenge them. Carve out time when they get home each day to hear about their day. Have dinner together at least four nights a week. Help them with their homework. Laugh together.
Again, the Bible offers wise counsel for times like this: "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." (Ephesians 4:29, ESV) If we could apply those words to everything we say to our kids or in their presence this year, it will help them be much more successful this year. Ask yourself if the things you are saying are building up your child, if they are the appropriate thing to say to help with the occasion, and if they are a demonstration of grace to everyone who hears.
Third, teach them that God is in control. There will likely be a lot of things this year that seem beyond our control or completely out of control. There will be questions that we don't know the answer to and circumstances that we are unsure how they will turn out. Friends, family members, or teachers may contract the coronavirus. School may shut back down. Policies and procedures may change throughout the year.
When life seems out of control, you and your children need to know there is someone who is in control. When the storms rage in life, you need an anchor that will hold fast. When it seems like life is falling to pieces, you need someone who can put them all together. The only place you will find that kind of peace is in knowing that God is in control. Ephesians 1:11 says that "God works all things according to the counsel of his will." No matter how chaotic or out of control this world may seem, the best assurance for us and our children is in knowing that God is in control, that he is working all of this according to his plan, and that our lives are in his hands.
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