Last night, a group of ladies from The Crossroads had a "Girls Night Out." They went out to eat at Chic-Fil-A, went to the movies, then went to Starbucks afterwards. From all reports, they had an incredible time. I am so excited to see how our women are really connecting with each other, forming a family, and reaching out to other women in the process.
But what interested me the most was the choice of movie. The ladies went to see My Sister's Keeper. As I understand it, the movie is about a mother who has a daughter with a rare form of leukemia. Her life revolves around meeting her daughter's every need in her battle against cancer. In pursuing treatment for her daughter, she and her husband take the radical step of having another daughter genetically engineered to be the perfect donor for their ailing daughter. There's more to it, but you get the jist of it. Now, I have not seen the movie, and really don't plan to, but from what I can tell, it's what my dad would call a "tear jerker." Several of our ladies confirmed there was a lot of crying throughout the movie.
Now, contrast that with some of the "Guys' Movie Nights" I've been to so far this summer. We have seen Taken (father kicks butt rescuing his daughter from prostitution ring), Star Trek (space battles, fistfights, adventure), Wolverine (guy with claws that extend from his fist and an indestructible skeleton takes on lots of bad guys), Terminator Salvation (John Connor battles in the future to rescue humanity from control of machines), Transformers (super cool cars turn into robots to battle evil robots who are trying to take over the world). We are also eagerly waiting for G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (elite fighting force takes on superterrorists).
So, huge difference in the choice of movies between guys and girls. But the choice of movies is really insightful when it comes to understanding men and women. Our ladies went to see a movie that was high on emotional content and emphasized the value of relationships, two things that are integral to who women are and what they are about. Women tend to be much more connected to their emotions than men. Women have a much greater understanding of emotional expression and enjoy exploring the subtle nuances of emotion. But it is not just raw emotion that is important. It is emotion as it relates to relationships: mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, close friends. Men, if you are going to understand women, you have to understand this emotion/relationship component of who women are.
Now, let's contrast that with men. I can never imagine a group of men going to see a movie that is going to make them cry, that is heavy on emotional content, or that explores the emotional connections within a relationship. Men go see movies where there is fighting, where things blow up, where there is cool technology, where there is high suspense. Now, a lot of people (women, be careful here) will make light of men's choice in movies. But to do so is to miss in a fundamental way the incredible heart of a man. What are the common factors in the movies men like? Courage, valor, sacrifice, adventure, integrity, conviction, defending the innocent, pursuing your destiny, fighting for what is right, loyalty (that's a relationship issue, btw) and a host of other similar things. Now, what is common to all these things? They are all issues of character. If women connect to emotion and have a greater capacity for grasping emotion in the context of relationship, men connect with issues of character.
For men, emotion is not the important factor in our decisions and our actions. It is character that counts. What kind of man are you? How are you living from the reality of who you are deep down? What are your core convictions about life? Ladies, if you miss this, if you make light of this, you will fail to grasp what is at the heart of men.
Now, the truth is, we need each other. Men, we need women to help us gain understanding into relationship issues and connecting with the emotion that God has given to us. Women, you need men whose leadership, decision-making, and ability to stand up for his family and what is right are built on a strong sense of character. It's not that either of us are right or wrong about the movies we go see. Movies are simply a reflection of what is really important to us, and understanding what is central to those movies will help you gain access to what is really important to the men or women in your life.
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